The Asking Practice typically also reveals that many of us fear that if the person we ask says yes, we’ll be in debt to them.
As important as it is to play with no, it's also important to know how to say no or set yourself up so you can play back against other peoples' assumptions and expectations.
If you can't say no and you can't play with a request to figure out whether you want to say yes, then you're powerless in the world of other people's agendas.
The most powerful thing you can do when you are put on the spot is to move yourself out of the submissive position. Putting attention on the other person buys yourself time to investigate whether you want to say yes or no to their request.
The one simple tool to flip the power dynamic?
Ask them a question back.
Anything.
“Why do you ask?”
“Are you aware that’s an impolite question?”
“What exactly are you proposing again?”
By asking them a question back, you put your attention on them and get into the dominant position – even if just for a moment.
In the dominant position, you're ten times more likely to walk out of the room. You're fifty times more likely to stand up for yourself. And you’re a hundred times more likely to say no when you mean no.
We teach a wide range of tools so that women can exert greater power and influence in every relationship in their life. This is one of the simplest, and most powerful.
It’s simple enough in theory. But it's not easy in practice.
To use these skills in your day-to-day life, on command, it takes training and preparation.