Photo by Adrien Broom

Photo by Adrien Broom

QUESTION

Dear Kasia,

I'm really excited about your work, but the idea of "dominance" frightens me.

What if I become so powerful that I actually hurt someone?

Yours,

Kill 'Em With Kindness

 


ANSWER

Dear Kill 'Em With Kindness,

This is such a great question. I'm so glad that you're conscious of the impact your behavior has on other people, and you're determined to wield your power responsibly.

This question is such rich and fertile territory, it feels best to answer it with a video. Watch it below, and let me know what you think.

All my love,

Kasia


VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

Sometimes there's a fear that if a woman steps into her true power, that will mean she's dominant. Those two things are together, and they're not. First of all: they're not. Second, there's this idea that if you'e dominant, that you are more likely to hurt people than if you are submissive. One of the greatest ways you can hurt the people in your life and the people that you love, is by not being true to yourself.

And that isn't some kind of cliched thing. It's that there's no you there for other people to respond to, if you'e cringing and avoiding the places that might hurt them.

If you can't meet them at the place where there might be resistance, if you can't express where you're at fully, it's a way of hiding. It's a way of lying and it's a way of avoiding intimacy.

And I don't mean that as a attack on anybody who's going through it, I just mean that that's how it reads, that's the effect that it has in
relationships.

All of the withheld ideas, withheld informations, there are so many things that pass through a human being in a single day, that don't get fully expressed.

And that may be harder to see, the impact of depriving the world of your light. It is much worse a pain than stepping into your power and risking that somebody's feelings will get hurt.

Furthermore, if you put your attention out, and you know how to play with power, then when you get to that place that people do get hurt, you can clean it up. You can play further, you can explore, you can go places. Otherwise, you're stuck.