Keys to Power: Playing with No

Many students starting with The Asking Practice find that they've only written things they know they would get a yes to.

Here's the thing:  if we only ask for the things we feel we could get a yes to, we never have a chance to explore new territory.  Sadly, the world is a big resounding no to many of the things that are important to most women.  So if we want to change the world, we're going to have to transform some 'no's into yes.

At The Academy, students learn not only not fear “no,” but to seek it out as the place from where we can begin exploring new landscapes in all areas of our lives.

Playing with 'no' is a revolutionary key to power I want every woman on earth to master and the Rigged No exercise will help retrain your body to remain in a dominant state of attention when making a difficult ask.


One of the most common things that happens when we hear a no, is what I call:  


When a person makes a request, they are holding the other person in their attention.

When the other person says 'no,' the person making the request snaps back into themselves and energetically drops the other person.

Not only is this felt on a visceral level, it also makes it difficult to investigate the landscape of the 'no,' and whether in personal or professional contexts, the cost is huge.


When someone is willing to confess resistance, they are pointing to a place of intimacy.  

What lies behind resistance is the opportunity to discover something new, the place where intimacy can begin.

When you begin moving towards a place of resistance, not crushing through it, not running from it, but rather getting curious, you can begin discovering things about someone else that they didn’t know about themselves, you can begin awakening parts of themselves that have gone numb.


Step One:  Ask someone you trust to volunteer for this exercise.

"I'm doing an exercise to explore how my body reacts when I make a request and hear the word 'no.'  I'm going to ask you for something. 

It may be something I actually want or it may be something totally imaginary.  No matter what I ask for and no matter whether you want to say yes, you're going to say 'no.' 

And then you're going to sit there silently.  Afterwards, I may ask you one or two more questions."

Step Two:  You are going to ask them a request, preferably a vulnerable request, and they are going to say “no.”

Take a moment to pause and feel what happens to your body.

Step Three:  After you hear “no,” make a follow up ask:  how did it feel that I asked you that?

Take a moment to pause and feel what happens to your body.

Step Four:  Follow it up with a smaller ask.

Take a moment to pause and feel what happens to your body.

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